devastation

i am broken yet not incomplete. my life has been a whirlwind, and from spinning out of control to slowing to something more easily controlled. i have learned to deal with damage control and my life's crazy phases. i have lived and learned. i have broken myself, and then picked back up the pieces. i try my best, to scrape the proverbial mud off the windshield so i can see where i am going. sometimes a wrong turn is made and i must backtrack.

the loneliness never lets you go, and living a life of solitude you are the whim of your imagination. ideas spark, and then die like a bonfire, and your activities are the wood that fuels it. i like that bonfire. give me fuel and i will burn strong and bright. just keep yourself warm by the fire, but dont get too close, or you might get singed, even burned. keep me at the right level with love and attention, but dont over do it. feed the fire that is me.

if only this hailstorm of damage would let up. i could stop trying to protect myself, and actually look at my surroundings, and stop to shoot the shit. i cant. my brakes must be shot, and i cant stop. between working all day and trying to go to school so i can better my life. i dont have the time or the ability to stop, and make something worthwhile to someone. "where are you?" i ask myself. "is it really that hard to meet someone, and to take the time to get to know them?"

i guess so. solitude thou art thy muse.

how can you calm a raging storm, when everything I touch is devastated? the rhythm to my insanity, the beating of my imagination? touchdown has reached this scorched earth, and nothing can stop it. a whirlwind of disaster, and apathy. the ying and yang of apathy and empathy, I cannot control sometimes. a lonely heart have I, beaten and bruised, now healed, and awaiting a gentle hand.

my name is devastation.