This blog entry is for anyone looking for something interesting to read. being an aspiring amateur writer, I have several works in progress all published on several sites for writers. I hate to admit it but I am badly in need of feedback, comments or critique in any form for some of my work.
Just to give you a taste of what I can come up with, I am providing you with a prologue that I have come up with for a thriller titled "The Dopppleganger Chronicles" I hope you enjoy reading it, and will post links to my profile pages on DeviantArt, and FictionPress, if you are interested in reading some of my other work, fiction or poetry.
http://www.fictionpress.com/~realityreaper
http://whiplashnemy.deviantart.com
The Doppleganger Chronicles (prelude)
Fear. A primal thing, since our days as cavemen. Back the man embraced his fear with full force and ran into it headfirst. Now adays…….fear…fear is something that sits in our stomach, lying there smoldering, bubbling and consuming, and then clawing our eyes out because Fear knows we have forgotten it, and when it comes back around it reminds us with a sledgehammer. Of course for fear to truly take hold of man in this day and age, requires something truly horrific which only the most greedy of newscasters can put up on the 5’oclock news. But even those sad excuses can not elaborate fears meaning in todays world. Fear along with his brother Horror, they come when you see a mass murderer or a bombing, or some serial killer who has decided to visit your postal code with his sick version of pleasure.
Yes, fear was exactly what John Brankston was feeling at this moment. Eyes glued to screens for the past week had shown him wondrous things, unimaginable things, and even horrifying things. Yet, wasn’t what they had all wanted in the beginning? To create something terrible, out of something beautiful? And indeed they had. From man’s deepest inner sanctums, they had inserted a needle, and taken out that core, the essence of what somebody would be without inhibitions. We have made them fearless John Brankston thought to himself. We have taken away all inhibitions, so that they do not think about what they do. The only thing that mattered was accomplishing the mission. And after that they would resume their normal lives, not caring, or maybe not remembering the acts they had committed in their service. For in the beginning that was what the Army had wanted. And they got what they wanted.
A soldier who lived only to accomplish his mission no matter what. The human psyche can only be pushed so far in times of duress and battle, and after certain amounts of time might begin to question what they were doing. After those thoughts set in, it would only be a matter of time before performance began to slip. “give us a means of allowing a soldier to endure for infinite amounts of time, in any circumstances, performing any action required without hesitation.” The brass had said, and they would be set for the rest of their lives.
After trial and error, and many long months, something was achieved. One of the soldiers in the program for testing was found to have been able to meet all the requirements made at the beginning. At first the soldier had looked the same as all the rest, maybe even less qualified, but then a distinct change came over him as things got unbearable, and he looked as though he was fresh out of the shower ready to roll again. He passed everything with flying colors. Afterwards during debriefing it was determined that the soldier had multiple personalities. The soldiers’ alter ego, in a very literal sense had allowed him to go beyond normal human capacities, and given Mr Brankston, and colleagues exactly what they were looking for.
Of course obtaining from the soldier what they needed and achieving the end result was no easy task. Thanks to the latest advancements in the medical field and the backing of good ole Uncle Sam however, they were able to take baby steps, now that they knew what they needed. The first step was talking to the soldiers’ alter ego, who went by the name of Trent, and then running some tests on Trent, his brainwaves, chemical levels, and so on to see exactly what conditions existed in the human body when a psyche such as this was in control. After that it got difficult for a bit. Trying to figure out how to simulate and then recreate at a moments notice in any number of bodies was a very tough task indeed. And who was to say that Trent wasn’t a unique case? That with similar levels in someone else might elicit an entirely different reaction.
And then a major breakthrough was achieved. While viewing the chemicals in Trents body right before and after his psyche changed a new hormone was detected. It was labeled AXL-1 and it was the key. Once they obtained the AXL-1 they were able to reproduce it, and make serums for testing. That’s when things started to get hairy.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
creative talent
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Hell yeah! Its Infinite Chaos... Uhm. Have you posted this in N.O.? Its really good! I am hooked already.
ReplyDeleteIf you are looking for critical feedback, I can only say that the first line didn't read right, and there were a few sentances similar. I may be able to post which ones. But, the story sounds really great, and I love your intro! FEAR!
ROCK ON \M/ !
EXAMPLE:
ReplyDeleteBack "the" man embraced his fear with full force and ran into it headfirst. Did you mean to put then? I just mentally replaced it with then. It could be drawn out a bit and a longer line such as back in the days before civilization...Just an example.
At first the soldier "had" looked the same as all the rest, "maybe" even less qualified, but then a distinct change came over him as things got unbearable, and he looked as though he was fresh out of the shower ready to roll again.Run-on, I would remove had, and change maybe to perhaps.
"ole Uncle Sam"
I think I would take out the e and put a ' --
Ol' Uncle Sam... Its not a big issue because everyone is different. Some like it like that and others just don't.
Last line:
"That’s when things started to get hairy."
I <3 you, but thats ghey. It's like an intro to some female romance novel or something.
Okay, please don't shoot the critical opinion of someone who isn't a qualified writer!!!
Good luck!
yay! i got a comment! sweet. good to see you IC.
ReplyDeleteI def get what you are saying about the first and second lines. the first one was an accident, the second one on purpose. the last one...meh. yea its just my style of writing i suppose, but glad you liked it!